watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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