I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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