While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
