six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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