finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
