I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
