Sorry, I don't speak sober.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
