we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
