out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize