Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
