Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
