if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
