He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
