I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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