Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
