im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cockslap morals
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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