why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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