Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
