i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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