He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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