I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
