Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
