Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
