And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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