Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
