We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
