Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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