Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
