Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
