It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
