And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
