Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
