just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
