Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!