I wish I could punch you in the face.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Acid is not a monday night drug
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half