I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
well you can't waste a boner
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!