Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.