dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there