just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me