It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.