We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
