I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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