I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
