My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
