I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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