The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
