would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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