I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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