walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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