beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
