you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize