remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
