im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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