the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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