I got chris browned last night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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