what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
