Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
