Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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