the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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