and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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