did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
