you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
