ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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