How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize