I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
