READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
