Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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